Since money is the second-biggest reason for divorce (infidelity is first), doesn’t it make sense to get some financial counseling before tying the knot?
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If you didn’t talk about money in your first marriage, it’s a good bet you’re not going to talk about it in your second one. If you’re considering getting remarried, I recommend consulting a Certified Financial Planner® professional. Many religions require couples to go through counseling before marriage to make sure their religious beliefs and practices don’t cause a problem. Since money is the second-biggest reason for divorce (infidelity is first), doesn’t it make sense to get some financial counseling before tying the knot?
New love, even the second time around, is exciting and fun. You want to sneak away on romantic getaways and go out for dinners. What you don’t want to do is discuss your attitudes about debt and how much is in your 401(k). But this is more vital now than ever.
In a second marriage, your runway to retirement is usually shorter. There’s less time to make a course correction. This is important stuff. I know your guy or gal is wonderful, but how are you going to handle assuming their debt or paying for their kids’ tuition? What if they refuse to save for retirement or even to sit down and discuss it with you? What if you’re a FORO and they’re a FOMO?
I am continually stunned that people in their forties, fifties, and sixties get remarried without ever knowing the other person’s financial situation and tendencies. This creates friction and an unhappy marriage. Believe me, I’ve seen it.
The following brief test provides discussion topics that will help you and your betrothed determine if you’re financially compatible before you commit. It’s drawn from the common problems that I see with remarried couples. Ask your fiancée to sit down and take it with you. Any significant differences are red flags. Keep an open mind and be compassionate, remembering that money is emotional. Resist blaming, shaming, or making the other person feel guilty if they’ve made some poor money decisions or are in a tenuous financial situation. It’s always better to get this stuff out in the open now rather than later.
The Second-Marriage Financial Compatibility Test
1. Describe your ideal retirement.
2. Do you have a specific plan for getting there? If so, what is it?
3. At what age do you want to retire? (Warning: If the answer is “I plan to keep working,” your retirement savings is probably meager.)
4. How much annual income will you need after retirement?
5. Where will that money come from?
6. Do you have any debt?
7. What assets do you have?
8. Do you have any divorce obligations? Alimony? Child support?
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